Free?

I just woke up. and I was here. in this shell of a house in the cold. It's freezing here. Ash and rubble and then Him. He was there staring at me. Watching me. It's quiet. the wind blowing through the bare branches. And then... this... Him. There. Just staring. A blank faceless stare. Just staring. Staring. Watching. He sees into me. My thoughts feelings. I should be afraid. I'm not. I'm angry. It's over. But it's not. Why... would they do that to me. Why would I ever think about them doing that. treating me like that. It can't be real. It wasn't real. But at the same time. It feels real. The violation I felt is real, that I still feel. It's real. And I can't brush it off. It won't go away.

I'll just stay here. Hide. Ignore it. Hide. Try to keep warmth in my body. Fuck. It's so fucking cold. His gaze isn't helping. Just staring at me like that. Fuck. I need to get out of here. But I can't move.

Help.

Have to get out.

It's not real. Not real at all. I don't know where I am but this isn't real. Branwen would never do that. Ever. She's not like that. Why would she do that? It's not Branwen. And Brennon would never stand back and just watch.

I don't know what to do. I'm scared. I'm lost. I know this is some figment of my imagination and it didn't happen but I still feel so... violated, and confused and scared. She'd never do that. And she'd never call me those things. Brennon would never stand back and watch and laugh like that. I can't see Branwen ever saying those things or calling me those things. this can't be real.

And if it is... I'm better off to just be.. dead... Gone.

With friends like this, who needs enemies....?

Malkin where are you? I'm scared. I need you. I love you.

Things are getting interesting

I'm confused and uncertain of what to think on how they are lately. I came home from shopping with Brennon. My parents, Sam and Dean were there. They were excited to see me and hug me. I've been concerned confused and a bit frightened since then.

See, I saw the remnants of my parents after the fire that claimed them. wedding rings bone fragments tooth fillings and what not. I had to identify Sam and Dean's bodies when I went to claim them and sign a bunch of stuff. Doctor's told me they were gone. there were death certificates signed and all.

I'm starting to think Malkin's right. But... I don't know. I'm so confused. I'm scared. If this is all a dream, where am I? Why can't I be found. Why can't Malkin find me. Branwen's been trying to comfort me and help me out. She's confused and uncertain. She doesn't know what to suggest. I'm afraid. Afraid I guess, to accept the truth... whatever it may be. I want so hard to believe this as the truth, but I'm just not sure anymore. I'm so scared and confused. I wish someone were here to help me.

I wish you were here Malkin. I wish you could save me.

Good day

Today was a very good day. We went out and did some geocaching. It was great. I never thought I'd get to do that again. I'm surprised really, it's so warm and sunny this time of winter. But I'm not going to argue with it! Brennon and I just cuddled up and watched shows together when we got back. We saw Branwen off to campus. She's starting college this spring. putting everything behind her. I'm so proud of her and it's just so good to know she is alright and that I didn't lose my little sis.

Allen's been doing well and I've been trying to be a good parental figure to him. We drew played some games did he geocaching and he went to bed in prep for his first day back to school tomorrow after winter break.

It's like a dream come true. If this is a dream, I never want to wake up...

...I just wish Malkin was here... miss him... I never really got a chance to tell him just how much I cared. If you see this babe, it's fine. We're not pushing you away and we'd like you to be with us. I love you. I'm just.. scared. I don't want to lose you. Come to the house, please. You'll be safe here away from Chastin. I'm so scared he's going to come after you again.

I love you. Please be alright. I'll keep posting here in hopes you see it. I love you.

I can't believe it.

We left Constance's Haven. I wanted to come back here for the New Year. Come full circle. I started my adventure here a year ago, it was only fitting that I return here to let go of the old and begin the new. If I had only known what I'd find. It's like a dream come true.

They saved the house, the house didn't burn all the way and it's been fixed up. Branwen's here. She's here, she's alive. Brennon's here too. What I had seen when I woke that had driven me into madness? Yeah they didn't bother to tell me that he was still alive. He'd gone unconscious from the pain. They saved him. He's bed ridden still and has problems but he's alive. here's here. I've been crying from joy since I've been here. Allen's here too. They found Allen. He's grown. He's safe though. Brennon took over custody of him. Oh my Gods he's alive. It's good to see him.

It's... it's so nice to have some good news for once. So nice to see everyone I love again. I never thought I'd see them it's good to see them. Bran said Todd would be joining us as well.  He's destroyed the Morrigan and is coming home to celebrate. 

This New Year's Day we definitely have something to celebrate. I wish Malkin could be here to join us. I explained it all to Brennon. He liked Malkin. He's willing and happy to have him as part of our family. But when I went outside to get him, he was gone. His car was gone. I... I'm so worried about him. He only has one arm, how can he drive. Gds I hope he's okay. Malkin come back with us! We love you, babe. You're welcome here. Everything's better now! We're home and we're safe!

I can't believe it! I love you all! Thank you for supporting me! Happy New Year! May you have the best year ever!

Skipped

We skipped Ohio. I wussed out and couldn't do it. I just can't face them yet. They probably all hate me and holed everything against me. I torched that house. I wasn't in my right mind, but still, I did it. Now I find myself wanting to be back there. Wanting to be there where I felt safe. Living with the memories. But I just can't. I ruined it. I ruined everything. I'm so confused. I feel like I should confess everything to them, but then I'd be insane and don't feel like being admitted to the psych ward.

So, we're here, at the Haven. We've been here a few days now. I had a nice... chat... with Constance. I've seen Derrek and Brandy. they're doing as well as can be expected. Brandy seems so... distant. I don't know.

I've just been biding my time. I'll cover stuff more at a later time. I'm just tired. I'm ready to relax and just try and unwind. No sightings of Slendy here make it easier to unwind. Not sure how long we'll be here. I guess time will tell.

That's all for now, thought I should give an update. Take care and may the Goddess bless.

Going Mobile

We're heading to the east coast. It would have been just me, but when I told Malkin he threw a raging shit fit about it and said I had to take him with me. So we're both going. We're going to see Adro--- no, Constance. We're going to go to the Haven she's built. I need to talk to her. Make Amends? I don't know. I think I need closure. I need to know why she killed Brennon, why she killed Taben. Why she killed my lovers. Taben wasn't the same after Allen disappeared. But still, I loved him and would have at least liked to say goodbye.

Malkin's had some issues but it's nothing that can't be expected. I mean we're being stalked by Slendy and all. Constance said He's not been seen on her property, so it seems like a safe place. I think Brandy's out there. I know Derek is. I'm just afraid of what I'll do when I see Derek. I... still feel for him but, I don't know. It's a lot to think over. And I don't want to upset Malkin. I love him. I don't want to do anything to betray that.

The route we're taking will take us about two days, that's without sleeping though. If Malkin could drive it'd be easier, but it might take a bit longer. We'll see. I... I want to see where they were laid to rest. I want to pay my respects. I want to apologize to Brennon's parents. To Taben's parents. I feel I failed them all. I want to see what's left of the house. I just... I need to go back. I need to see. Once I've come full circle, I can truly move on. I'll be happy to have that piece of mind.

Branwen... her parents, her family. I don't even know what to do for them. Say to them. She was my sis. My family is gone. I only have Malkin left. And Gods know I'm going to hold on tight to what I have.

I love you Malkin, I'll keep you safe. I promise.
I'll see you soon Constance. And Derek. And Brandy. I hope you're all well.

Off we go.