Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Final Journey

Eight more months. It's been hell. Total, utter, hell. I haven't said a word on my blog here, but after saying things were fine in my last post, it all went to hell in a hand-basket. Me, I’ve been trying to be mister macho man Aiden. It’s not been going too well actually.
            You see, He turned up. The good ol' faceless wonder started making his appearances again. At first it was just at the edge of the woods behind the house here. He'd stand there and watch, no interruptions. I should have fucking known better.
            We had just gotten moved back into house. The rebuild finished after the fire that burned it into a charred husk. We had spent the day moving what little had survived the fire and what little we had into the house. We had things set up. Malkin and I were just laying down to bed when He appeared in the darkness of the tiny bedroom, right in the corner by Malkin's side of the bed. Before we could so much as take a breath those slimy black tendrils were flashing about. One lashed out and grabbed Malkin by the throat and was lifting him from the bed. I did the first thing I thought of. I grabbed the wooden desk chair, charged the tall, slender abomination and bashed the shit out of him with it. Of course he didn't take kindly to it, and of course I found myself flying across the fucking room and slamming against the wall. Being that I'm a small, frail individual, my body didn't like that and I was consumed by the swirling blackness of unconsciousness.
            I'm pretty sure that I was out for hours. Mostly because it was dark when we were lying down and now there was sun coming in through the windows of the bedroom. Malkin was lying lifelessly on the bed. Of course this scared the shit out of me; he’s a pretty well built person who can handle more than most would be able to. I was in tears before I was to him, holding him and sobbing into his chest. He was splayed out on the bed which was soaked in blood. Looking him over, I saw the blood seeping through his white nightshirt, the front of it torn like it’d been clawed through. His neck was bruised from where the tendril had wrapped tightly about it, blood trickled from cuts and scrapes and by the fact his hair was matted in places with blood, I was figuring that he must have had some injuries to his scalp as well. Then I noticed the slight rise and fall of his chest. He was alive thank the Gods, unconscious but alive. I could handle the unconsciousness as long as there was the alive with it. Actually I was still crying like a baby. But at least my boyfriend was alive. Honestly, I lost it. I was so sick of the death and destruction that that eldritch abomination has caused me. Sick of the continual loss I have endured. Just... sick. I held Malkin until he came to and then we just lay there on the bed holding each other and apologizing and crying and kissing. I don't believe we ever slept. We kept tempting the idea of doing so, and then decided against it and just took turns on watch while the other would 'sleep'. This was all three months ago...

            Let this be a lesson to everyone. This is what happens when you get tangled up with the Slender Man. The Tall Man. Whatever it is you wanted to call him. It's sad. You hear a name like that and you want to just laugh your ass off. You don't think something like that can be scary. Then you get blindsided by all of this shit. Things will calm down and you'll think things are fine and better. That's the biggest mistake you can ever make. Thinking you’re safe. I've made that mistake plenty of times. I thought I was safe, and then I lost my husband. I thought it was safe, and then I lost Taben. I thought they were safe, and then I lost Branwen. Now He's back and He's after Malkin. He took Malkin. It happened a month ago. He took Malkin from me. There's something horrifying to wake up in bed alone and wonder where your boyfriend is. To go looking for him and be uncertain where he is. How worried I was that he's hurt. Worried for what you'll find. Finding the blood in the living room, seeing it trail through the kitchen. Seeing it smeared on the door leading outside. Watching as it led down the path toward the woods. I can't forget how the crimson smeared and stained and pooled on the grass, turning into a trail leading to the woods that stopped right at the tree line. I should have been horrified. I should have screamed and ran the other way. But I didn't. I didn't budge. I just stood and stared at the sight before me.
            The oak was old, probably the oldest tree in the forest here. No wonder He was always drawn to it. He's drawn to the old things that have aged and darkened with time. Things that are huge enough that dwarfs him in height. Malkin was strung up all through the tree. Blood dripped from the branches. His head run though by one of the branches, the end of it sticking out his mouth wide in horror, frozen in that last penetrating scream that he must have let out as his life bled from him. His eyes round in agony and glazed over, already paling. That told me that he must have been here a while. His torso was run through as well. The width of the base of the branch it was on splitting it so that it almost peeled in half, as the thick red-black liquid spewed from the openings. Slimy pink intestine strung through the branches like Christmas garland and his organs hung from them like ornaments.Indiscernible viscera was splotched and splattered on the ground and over the branches and trunk. The tree was decorated with my boyfriend. And I couldn't do anything about it. I didn't do anything but stand there and stare.

            How is one meant to handle these things when it's something that he's dealt with for over a year. You come to expect it. I think I knew it was coming. I think we both knew three months ago. That attack…it wasn't just a wake-up call, it was a warning. A warning to me that once again I'd lose someone I loved. A warning to Malkin and I, saying that he was going to die. I can't say we didn't make the most of it for the couple of months we had left. I wish they had had less of the abomination peaking in and more of just us though. I guess it's that whole fear thing. I guess it's not something to worry about so much anymore. Is it? I don't know.
            How am I supposed to move on? Carry on? How the hell do I just forget the horrid pas I had and move on? It doesn't seem like it should be possible. And yet here I am. Does this make me a bad person? Or does the desire to not carry on make me a bad person. The desire to get out of this nightmare as soon as possible is hard to resist. I want more and more to escape it. It's a daily battle for me anymore. I can't keep going on, I’m afraid.I'm sorry. This is too much. I can't pretend that I don't hurt. It's tearing to pieces. I need more than this.
            I'm so sorry. Please forgive me everyone. I can't keep going. I want to be on my way. I want to see them all again. I miss Brennon. I miss Taben, Ryan. Allen... the fucker took Allen. Branwen and the others, they’re gone thanks to him. And now he took Malkin. I don't want to lose anyone else... So, I'm just going to lose myself. No one needs me anymore.
            I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry. I love you all, good luck. Brennon, I'll see you soon. Meet me under the Yggdrasil tree.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

5 Months?

Dammit where has time gone? I can't believe I nearly forgot about this. I mean... seriously. How the fuck can someone like me forget about this shit, especially after all that's happened. I'll tell you how.

I have been fucking busy. I mean really fucking busy. We've been working on getting the old place fixed up and rebuilt. We've expanded it and are adding some extras to it. there was a nice insurance settlement on the house. Oh and then there was all of the damned court shit and what not. Cause, you know, I can't get away scott free for setting me and my late husband's house on fire. Of course it's been fine. I was crazy when it happened and have only had to have a counselor and some pills. It's been pretty easy since then. Well busy. But things seem to have gotten so much better for me since we've come back. Malkin's with me. We're getting along great. We work on the house and relax. Well the best we can anyways. Malkin's been a little at unrest and paranoid. He says nothing's wrong but I know it is. I don't pry though. He'll tell me when he's ready. I'm a patient man and can wait forever.

I can't really think of much to say. I'll try and write more here. The house reconstruction's almost complete and we'll possibly moving back into it in the not too distant future. Will be nice to be back to it and be able to begin living a normal life. At least as normal as it can get after you've been stalked by a faceless abomination and sent on the crazy train because of it. Honestly, since I've been keeping busy and on the meds I've not seen no-face. I refuse to take it as a good sign. But I will take it as something at least.

Anyways, time to get to the construction site and get back to work. Gonna be a nice day for working.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Alive and busy

That's pretty much a jist of how things have been here. Between work, and everything else I've been busy. I don't feel at liberty to say what's going on. Malkin's asked me to keep the details out, and I'm respecting that request. Things have been semi normal. We haven't seen It for a while. We move along our day to day lives and just kind of run things as best as we can. I wish I could just go on living like this and pretend that life hasn't been a living hell for the past year and a half. Gods. Has it really been that long?

Brennon and I woulda celebrated our one year wedding anniversary on April 30th... woulda been a year. Funny how much can change in a year.

Well, I'll be off now. Got stuff to do before the day's done with. I'll try to get to updating more than once every few months... it's just been so busy. I guess we'll see.

Monday, March 12, 2012

As We Run

I just sighed and just stared ahead as I drove along the stretch of highway somewhere between Portland and Akron; watching the headlights illuminate nothing and everything all at once. I took a deep breath looked to the passenger seat at Malkin. He lay back sleeping peacefully. The arguments that we’ve been having have been horrendous. I’m ready and willing to move back to his hometown in Ohio. Malkin, he was scared shitless; probably still is. He didn’t want it. I had argued had my point hard. Our argument’s still haunting me like a dark melody even as I drove along the inky highway to our next hotel destination.

“I don’t feel safe out here; I know Chastin’s watching. I know… I know He’s watching too!” Malkin had pleaded his case heavily. “We’re not going to be safe, they know how to find us, there’s no stopping them!” I had been frustrated.
“The house will be our safe haven,” he had tried to persuade him. “It’s always been our safe have, it was a promise. We were promised we’d be safe there!”

“It’s not the same anymore, Ai, He doesn’t have control over you like He used to have.” Malkin eyes bounced with tears as he pleaded. “Please, let’s just stay here! KK left her place to us. We have it here. We can get jobs, we can hide—“

“No,” I interrupted Malkin more harshly than I had intended. “Listen, Malkin, trust me, please? Trust me, babe. We’ll be fine. I’m not going to hide anymore! I refuse to keep hiding!” It was my turn to plead my own case. I was nearly on hands and knees begging, I could feel my own eyes watering.

“Ai…” Malkin hesitated and reached his hand out to his me sighing in a mix of frustration and compliance. “ok… okay. I’m just scared.” My only response was to pull Malkin into a tight hug and just hold him, despite the fact that I’m at least a foot shorter.
“I’ll keep you safe,” My desperation was heavy in my voice. “I swear to the Gods above, I’ll keep you safe. I love you Malkin, I won’t let anything happen to you! I’ll keep you safe.” Malkin frowned with worry rubbing my back.

“It’s not you I don’t trust,” he looked around as though he didn’t even trust the empty apartment building that they were standing in. “It’s everyone else, everything else. It’s the circumstances. No one’s safe from Him. No one.”

“I’ll give him my service if that’s what it takes to get him to leave you alone and keep you safe.” My tone was matter of fact.

“NO!” Malkin pushed me away with his one arm as he screamed at him. “You will NOT do that. Dammit Ai! Promise me you won’t take that way. I don’t care about anything else just do NOT give yourself to Him like that!”

That had been the last of the words that had been spoken. I had regretted saying anything of the sort and had pulled Malkin into a deep passionate kiss and had whispered wordless promises of safety and contentment. We’d left the apartment early the next morning and now here we are on their way to our temporary home. Just until the house was rebuilt. Malkin doesn’t want it, but he’s come to see how things would be better. We’ll be fine. There will be a semblance of the old days. Too many people have been lost in the last few months, but whatever helps, helps
So here we are, two more days and we’ll be to our new home. A temporary reprieve from our nightmare of a life. Now if we can just continue on without infecting anyone else. I’ll never be able to forgive if I cause more, good people to be lost. I will never be able to live with myself if that happens.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Back to fighting.

So, I guess that was the wake up call I needed.  It's good to know one of my allies are alive. I'm not sure with most others anymore. Malkin's the only one I thought I had left. Then I saw that Xi posted. And somehow that's helped me. It's not so bad, is it? I have a lot to talk to Malkin about. I want to meet with Brennon's family... I want to talk to them and see what's going on. I want to see if they can forgive me for their actions. I'm going to make something of the ashes and nothing that my home has become. The sanctuary will be built again. I swear it. I'm going to fight. I promised Brennon and Branwen that I would. So I'm going to.

Now to get up the gall to talk to Malkin. I hope he'll see things my way and agree with me. After that we're going to get our stuff from Portland and move back this way. I'll be working on blue prints, and looking for a job. And... making a deal with the devil, so to say. Hopefully things play in my favor. Time will tell I guess. Wish us luck.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Happy Birthday

Happy Belated Birthday, Taben.

Taben's birthday would have been this weekend. He'd have been 32.

We had a small 'party' in his honor. He was gone in the head when we lost him, didn't make me love him any less.

I don't know what to do.

Malkin wants to head back home to Portland and the apartment. I just... don't know. I really just... don't know. I feel so lost....

Someone help me...

Tuesday, February 7, 2012


Wind is blowing
Knocking on my window
He looks in.
I feel Him.
His lack of eyes on me

I close my eyes.
Hide under the covers
Pray to the Gods.
He can't
See me

My time's not up.
I'm not ready
He can't
Not yet
I have days

It is not
My time
Not yet.

As long as I do not
He will not
Claim me.

I'm not His to claim

Not yet.

Not ever.