Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Last Man Standing

I don't even know what to make of this. Any of this. It was, it was just supposed to be a small ritual. I've done this every year for the past several. Always with Brennon before... but now.... now it was just me. Malkin helped, but I know he didn't completely understand the importance of this for me. I don't think he saw or heard what I did... he probably didn't understand what was going on even, not... not until she showed up.

I guess... I guess I should start from the beginning... shouldn't I?

So, I did an ancestral spirit conjure for Samhain. Brennon and I always did it to speak with the ones we lost. Samhain is a time when the veils that separate the physical plane from the spirit plane are very thin and this it is easier for spirits to cross over and for us to communicate with them. It's a very sacred time to many on my path as it's a time to celebrate and remember those we lost and loved. And those that helped us find our path in life.

I went with every tradition I had always used. I made a very nice traditional meal. A beef roast, fresh homemade bread, and some seasonal vegetables. I cleansed the apartment with some white sage and lavender and started setting up small altars at the four directional points of the apartment. The aroma in the house was entrancing to say the least, all the scents melding together was quite magical. And really helped us relax. I talked to Malkin over the dinner about what I had planned and what I was going to do. I explained the ritual to him and what I wanted him to do. His part in it was pretty simple, just sit there and concentrate and lend me his energies. He agreed to it and we sat and relaxed a bit after dinner just talking about stuff. It was nice really. After all the excitement it was nice to have some downtime and just... well sit and talk with Malkin. No interruptions, no angst, no proxies and no one else in the apartment. Just he and I. So we enjoyed the time alone together. And after a while I prepped for the ritual. More incense and smudging. Then in the center of the points made myself comfortable on some pillows and blankets. With Malkin next to me I started the ritual. Started the concentration. Just like I had done every year since I had been with Brennon. We had always done it together. This year I was doing it alone. Just Malkin and myself.

So I started my concentration I felt myself feeding off the energy Malkin lent me. And then they came. Mom, Dad, Sam and Dean. They came together just showed up and I could feel their warm, loving embrace as their spirits circled me and wished me well and spoke of their happiness and their sorrow and their love. It's hard to explain to someone who hasn't done this kind of Pagan ritual how it feels. You see and feel them but don't hear them. You communicate with the spirits through your thoughts and their feelings. You feel what they want to say instead of hearing it. Their visage appears to the caller(s) as a soft haze or a smoke. You feel them, you can smell them, and know their emotions. I had no idea why there was so much sorrow. I wish I could understand what it was that made them sad. I didn't and they didn't give me any feel of it. And as soon as I saw them and had felt them and 'heard' them, they were gone. And then Taben, Ryan and Brennon were there. And I think this is when the tears finally came. Brennon I could smell him as I had the last days we were together. I wanted to hold him and embrace him and I felt his warmth his scent and his feelings embraced me. His love and his worry. I know I was crying and I could feel myself calling his name and telling him out loud how much I loved him and how much I missed him and how I wanted to kill Andromeda for what she had done but that would be wrong. My gods having Brennon there again. And then I felt Taben and Ryan join him. Embrace me and try to help me. Taben always liked to pet my head and I could feel his hands combing through my hair. Ryan was there and silent. He was always silent, hanging back and watching. I tried to feel for Allen. Surely he'd have come with his parents. When I thought this I felt sadness from Taben. Allen wasn't there. What had happened to Allen that he'd not be here? He had been young; only nine, when Slendy took him. Yeah... His spirit had probably already moved on. And then I felt that Brennon and Taben were sad. So very sad. And I didn't understand. They didn't tell. They had to go. And I said my goodbyes. They'd move on, they wouldn't be here for me when I called on them again, their spirits were to move on and live again. And I felt them leaving. I was sobbing now. Calling to them. Telling them I loved them and I missed them and I'd see them in the next life. I could feel Malkin holding me to comfort me. And I starting letting go of my concentration. The ritual was done. Or so I thought it was. Then... then she showed up. And it ripped me apart. My calm disappeared.

I was just cuddled into Malkin and she was there. I couldn't quite place it, Cinnamon and spices? Warmth, love. I was her brother and she was so sorry that she had fallen prey to Him. Branwen. My little sister, Branwen. Only 19 years old. She was visiting me on my spirit call. My spirit call, meant for those who are dead. Not the living. Only the dead can come on this.

She had died. She had been killed. She had been hunted. She was gone. I was alone. Alone. So alone.

I started screaming screaming that I was going to kill slender Man. He had stolen my sister. He had stolen Branwen. Branwen. My sister. My dear loving sister. I loved her. And she's gone. My last family member is gone. She was with me through the start of this. And now she's gone. Gone. GONE! She'd dead. Dead and gone.

Malkin had to pin me down and calm me down. I had gone crazy. I still am crazy I guess. I lost my sister. My little sister. Now I'm alone. She was there through everything. And now she's gone.

Branwen. I love you my sis. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

To everyone else. I'd like to say... my sister, Branwen, is gone. The Slender Man has taken her from this life. I'm so sorry, sis. I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't save you.

Malkin, I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I... I don't know if I can, but Gods be damned, I'm going to fight to keep you alive. I'm not going to let you die. I love you and you're all I have left.

I've been slack. I've been slack in what I've been doing. It's time to get back to work. It's time to start devising a plan and start fighting.

My name is Aiden Clarke.

I am being stalked by Slender Man. I have lost my family to Slender Man and his ilk. I won't lose anymore.
I am a fighter.

Slender Man, I swear to the Gods above. I will kill you. Even if it means you take my life.

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