Worried Sick

I've been worried sick since Branwen's left to go after Casey. I miss little sis and I'm worried to hell about her. Before that we had gotten her calmed down. We were joking, having fun, enjoying ourselves. And then Casey just left, disappeared. And Bran panicked. I tried to calm her down and get Todd's help to calm her down. And then... they were gone. They left. Bran didn't want to lose her best friend, Todd didn't want another to die.

and they were gone. And I have been worried since. It's been almost a week. I haven't heard anything from them. I've called, and called and called and called some more. Nothing. Busy? Stuck in Morrigan's hands? Or are they.... no. Can't think of that. Todd's there. He won't let that happen.

Hah, it's almost 6am. Malkin's prolly pissed. I never came to bed. I just haven't been able to sleep very well or very long since Bran's been gone. I miss her. I miss everyone. She and Malkin are all I have. All the family left in this world. I don't want to lose them. Ever. I'd rather die than lose them.

Anyways, Samhein's getting close. I'm working on prepping for it. Finding places to get supplies has been pretty easy. There's a decent abundance of new age stores here. I'm going to go to the grocer the day of Samhein and get fresh food for the feast. Plans are to do a small ritual that Brennon and I used to always do together for it. Malkin's gonna kinda help, at least be supportive in helping me set things up. We need to rearrange things here in the den some but we'll make it work. Don't know what I'd do without him. I'd be lost for sure. Now all he has to do is start putting a little trust and faith in me. Let me know when shit goes down so I can be there as support.

Dammit Mal, just dammit. Take care of yourself... and let me know what's going on.

Yeah. Between Malkin's arm, Slender Man, Chastin the Proxy, and Branwen, I'm pretty damned worried. But fuck it. I'll get through this. We'll all pull through. Bran promised me she'd be back for Yule. She doesn't break promises.

I can't wait. A happy family Yule part, and then a happy New Year's Eve party. New Years Eve. I'll be 22. It'll have been a year since all this shit started... Dammit... I can't believe it's been so long. Feels like just yesterday.

I love you Brennon. I'll see you on Samhein.

An update on Brandy

She's been found. I just got off the phone with the authorities covering her case. She's in Maine. They have her in the hospital. She was found at the bottom of a cliff face in Acadia National Park. She was alive but the trauma she sustained points towards her wither jumping or being thrown from the cliff. Despite the severity of the accusations she seems to be in goof health. The doctors are surprised she's doing so well. And all signs seem to be pointing towards this being the doing of her husband/ex-husband, who they are currently on a man hunt for. Hopefully they find the bastard and put him where he belongs... some reason though, I'm not so sure about this. I want to say there's more to it knowing how we're all involved and connected.

Anyways we're trying to get all her stuff packed up and boxed up and sent out to Maine. Constance has been kind enough to agree to take her in and help her out. We feel she'd be better protected with her than out here where we have to worry about the possibility of proxies. So that's a big weight off my shoulders to know she's safe... well for the most part anyways. She's in good hands, and that's what matters most.

For the time being it's making sure Todd/Alex, Casey and Bran are safe and well. We're all just watching shows, hanging out and just enjoying the time together. I've been working out plans in the meantime for my Samhein ritual. Every year I'll call to the spirits from my past family who've left me. It was something Brennon and I did together. This year I'll be on my own... unless of course Malkin would want to participate but that's a lot to learn and understand in a short time. I... hope to see my parents, my brother and sister, Taben and Brennon. I love him. I miss him. And he's the reason I keep fighting. He and Taben both. So this year on Samhein, I will do a ritual especially for Taben and Brennon.

I guess that's it. I'll let it go here. besides, i want to get breakfast started. Had some good plans for everyone. get them a good breakfast and then we're going to the zoo. We need an outing.

A losing battle

Branwen, Casey and Todd are here. We're trying to get them settled in. Malkin's been wonderful with helping out. I tink we got things pretty much situated. Food's been served and we're sitting them down to movie night. Happy fluffy Disney movies. Try to get them cheered up a bit. We're gonna have a personal wake for Seth and Skyler. Gods I can't believe their gone. We're losing people one by one. We all know that we can't do much through all this, but... yeah. Dammit. I've admittedly been clinging to Bran, I can't let her go. I'm scared to death of loosing her. Her and Todd and Malkin are the last of my family. I lost My parents. I lost Sam and Dean. I lost Brennon. I lost Taben and Ryan. Allen... my Gods Allen never got a chance to live.. Eight years old and we lost him. And this is why I fight... and yet I haven't been fighting. I don't even know where to start to try and fight. I just don't want to lose anyone else. I don't want anyone to lose anyone else. I think that's all the rest of this evening will consist of. Sitting on the couch with Branwen and Malkin on either side of me. Holding them close and cherishing my family as much as I can. I don't know how much more time I have with them.

I love you guys. I really do. We'll get though this. We'll get through. We have each other.

Confusion.

It's an ever flowing state of my mind lately. I'm confused. Lost and uncertain. Brandy's still missing. We have no clue where she is. It's like she just disappeared. We filed a missing person's report. Kicker here? Her husband/ex-husband/whatever the fuck he is. Is missing as well. But it doesn't makes sense how he could know she was here, and why she'd leave willingly with the fucker. And why she wouldn't take her crutches or the wheel chair. I keep wanting to go off on a whim and say that this is the fault of a 'higher power'. Or whatever the fuck you want to call it. I'm sick of this. I'm sick and tiered of loosing everything.

Branwen, where the fuck are you and why aren't you answering your phone?! Where are you sis?! You better fucking be safe! You'd better be safe.

I feel like I'm slipping. Back into that old state. I'm trying to fight to stay out of it. But I'm failing. I'm tempted to go and find Constance... or let her help me get to her. Get away... I don't know. I'm so confused. I don't know where to go or who to look to. I just know I'm confused and just want answers. And the answers aren't coming. I've no clue anymore. No clue. At the same time, I can't keep sitting here waiting to be saved. I need to fight. And so fight I shall.